Men and Women

**sweet2** · 07-26-2008, 09:17 PM

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ... and to the men who will enjoy reading it

**jobeibi** · 07-30-2008, 07:50 AM

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

OK, I will tell you a story:

A group of men I know go out to lunch frequently. They're mostly older businessmen and retirees. Rather than split up the bill, or argue over whose turn it is to pay, they play a little game. The waiter thinks of a number between 1 and whatever, and the men try to guess what the number is. Whoever wins, gets to pay the check.

Once, one of these men invited a his son and the son's friend to lunch with the older guys. These younger guys thought it was a great idea, and started playing the game whenever they went out to eat with their friends.

A few months later, this man went to lunch with his son and the son's friends, all lawyers. The bill came, and the game was played. The older man won the check, and got up to pay the bill. As he did, he said, make sure you leave the waitress a good tip. His son said, "but Daddy, when we play, we always pay by credit card, so the winner pays the whole bill and the tip too." The older man said, "sorry, but that's not how the rules work. You have to leave the tip." And the younger men said "but we only have hundred dollar bills!" The father said, "then you'll make the waitress very happy." And he walked off.