Medical information for women

[FB_Bama]

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you chan ge the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE 'ESTROGEN ISSUES'

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: 'How's my driving-call 1- 800-'.
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from 'outer space.'
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off- white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day.
WE ALL NEED A SMILE!



'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

[deb]

AMEN!!!!!!

[gagirl]

So true!

[wannabethere]

I agree I especially like #6 under the estrogen issues

[CaptKen]

Yes Dear!!!!!

[thedealer]

See Cappy already took this class......

[wannabethere]

See Cappy already took this class......

[sweet2]

These are great.

[Kentucky Nurse]

Love em', especially the "yes, dear" because my husband says that all the time to me, come to think, he's said that for years now.

[tom]

My girlfriend wants to have a baby.. She got a drinking problem.. She so fine ther is no telling wher d money went. we was at willies hearing the throwing harpoons.. Friday night she got so drunk she was dancing on the tabels.. dey tried to controll her but I hat to take he home and she got mad at me. I was just trying to keep her out of trouble. don't want to get barred from willies.. She did better saturday night.. we hat bloddy marries at the beach package sto she drand bud lite lime all day then when we got to willes she was drinking dakkeries.. she made it through the whole night wit out passing out at d bar. when we got a taxi home she fell out the car door on d parking lot. I waS SO PROUD OF HER LEAST SHE MADE IT HOME BEFORE GOING OUWT...
SHE MAD AT ME RIGHT NOW, HOPE SHE DON'T DROP ME. hARD FOR US PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS TO GET A GOOD GIRL..pRAY FOR ME THAT SHE COMES BACK AND MABY GOD WILL MAKE THE DESICION FOR ME AND IF SHE IS NOT FOR ME SHE WON'T COME BACK.. IT IN gODS HANDS NOW.. I KNOW HE WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. SEE YOU TOM