Wednesday's Joke

[wannabethere]

I got another one I want to share with ya all

Jack
wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's party..
He is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like
alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the
party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something
wrong.

He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first
thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on
the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!!

He
sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all cleaned and
pressed! He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect
order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He
takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging
on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it
and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on
the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite
dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian'

He
stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,
steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16 year
old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son.what happened
last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out
of your mind you fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then
you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into
the door.'
Confused, he asked his son, 'So, why is everything in
such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on
the table waiting for me??'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom
dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants
off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone *****, I'm married!!'


Broken
Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins
$.38
Saying the Right thing, at the Right
time:

PRICELESS

[wannabethere]

Here is another one. My friends are really sending some good ones!

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk.
I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it
slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman.
'How about global warming or universal health care,'
as he smiles smugly.

OK,' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and
a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes
little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a
horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
that is?'

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss global warming or universal
health care when you don't know ****?

[Mrs Peel]

Good ones!! Especially the first one!

[wannabethere]

Frank....don't leave me......just had a couple of good ones I wanted to share.

[FB_Bama]

LOL, good ones wannabethere. I'm not going anywhere. I just save the ones I have for another day. Glad to see someone fill in the gaps when I don't have time to post.
Off today so I'm on early. Have a great weekend and gotta love the weather. I'm betting Fl. has record tourist this year. Everyone has just been waiting for the weather to break now hear they come.