Joke Alert!

[FB_Bama]

Spring break fails: After the short commercial

http://www.aol.com/video/the-best-of...6pLid%3D287357

[FB_Bama]

A girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other


kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,

8, 9, 10!
"
"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"

she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could

only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"

she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the

other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to

reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24.

[FB_Bama]

Home from the Neatherlands. Had a great trip with my 89 year old mother. Hope all are well, got a lot of ketchin' up to do:

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar.



Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?"



Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"


Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."



Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."



Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"


Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."


Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"


Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the
fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."


But, "how do you putt" asks Tiger.


"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."



Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"


Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."


Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."


Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"



Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"



Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

[bob_stl]

How would you pronounce this child's name?
"Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It's pronounced "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

[FB_Bama]

EIGHT THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

Number 8

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6

Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. They can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

Number 4

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn your *** tomorrow.


- - - and as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age--it doesn't last that long."

[FB_Bama]

For the linguists among us ...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent
linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some
of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese,
was the clear winner.

His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference
between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between
COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are
COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED.
And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are
COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.

[FB_Bama]

Bama Joke...
Alabama beat Arkansas,
and Arkansas fired their coach.

Alabama beat Tennessee,
and Tennessee fired their coach.

Alabama beat Auburn,
and Auburn fired their coach.

Then Alabama beat Notre Dame, and the Pope resigned.......

Dang, I wish the White House had a team!